On Sadness and Loss

Earlier this week, our family dynamic changed a fair bit.  Thursday night, before going to bed, I forgot to shut the sliding glass door to our back deck and only the screen door was shut. The next morning as I was in the shower, I heard Cory screaming, "you didn't shut the back door before bed, the screen door is open, the boys are both gone."

I immediately jumped out, threw on some clothes and ran outside.  We managed to find Greyson 2 houses down, lounging casually in the neighbours very long grass.  He didn't seem too concerned that we had been running around, screaming first thing in the morning.  We never did though, manage to find Mischu.  We searched for about an hour that morning and were both quite late for work.  I was absolutely devastated and thought about him all morning.  I checked the
Humane Society's  website, called the Pound, logged a missing animal report with them and of course printed up some posters.  I left food and water, as well as a trail leading up to them at both the front and back entrances.  I came home at lunch to see if anything had been touched or if there was any sign of him.  Before going back to work, I put up a few signs and spoke with a few of the construction guys in the area to see if they'd seen him.

When we got home that evening, we walked the neighbourhood in the rain, putting up more signs and calling his name over and over.  we shook bags of cat treats and attracted a few neighbourhood felines, but of course, no Mischu.

My emotions were all over the map.  I would be fine one minute, then the next I would look at the lost cat sign I was hanging and burst into tears as I told Cory about how I made sure to choose the most handsome picture for the signs.  I don't know how many times on Friday I burst into tears. 

My sister and brother in law came over that evening.  I'd be talking, and randomly scream out his name, hoping he had come back from his excursion.  I was worried that he was lost and that the rain had washed away his scent and he'd have trouble finding his way back as he wasn't an outside kitty.

Saturday and Sunday were much of the same.  It took a bit of convincing to get me to leave the house for any number of time.  I was worried that he'd come home but no one would be home to see him and that he'd take off again.  Eventually, I drove all the way across city to check the kennels at the Humane Society and Animal Control.

I looked at over 100 cats and kittens in kennels.  All stray/lost animals.  It took absolutely everything I had not to burst into tears.  So many poor little animals, lost, unwanted, with no one searching for them.  No one wanting to give them a good home.  Kennel after kennel, I listened to their sad little meows as I peeked in, hoping to see my Mischu.

The good news, is that he wasn't there.  The bad news is that he wasn't there.

I burst into tears again on my way home.  I've been inconsolable these last few days.  I think back to bringing Mischu home.

I was single at the time, living alone in an apartment and had already adopted Grey.  Mischu was 2 months old.  The roommate of a girl I worked with, had gotten him and was never home to take care of him.  Plus. she had decided to move into a new place that she knew did not allow cats.  I was told that he would be getting surrendered to the Humane Society.  That was all it took for me.  I said I would take him on the condition he got along with Grey.  We drove around the block,  Mischu fitting in 1 hand.  He was soooo tiny, and a biter.  Since he was never played with, he loved to nibble toes and fingers.

When we got to my place, we put him down with Grey.  They both let out a few hisses and gave each other a couple bats.  We let them be as they tussled and got to know each other.  After a game of bridge, it was clear that they were fast friends.  There was nothing else to decide. 

They of course, had their ups and downs.  They'd fight and even had a period last year for several months where they hated one another.  But then, we'd catch them laying smashed together in the tiny little flower petal bed, grooming one another and it was apparently that brotherly love would always prevail.

People have asked why they didn't stick together when they snuck out the other day.  The simple answer is that they were just very different personalities. Grey is kind, soft and lazy.  Mischu has always thought he was the Alpha, the brave boy.  He just wanted to get out there and be curious.  He loved to hang off everything, always being up above, watching.

My hope is that he eventually just wanders home when he's done wandering.  After he's chased mice, rabbits, butterflies, and tired and hungry. 

Last night, while watching a movie, I swear I heard something crunching the food on the back porch.  By the time I jumped up, whatever it was, was gone.  I woke Cory up off the couch and we ran outside with a flashlight.  We found nothing....

The water dish was spilled a little (which now we don't know if we accidentally kicked over when we ran out there).  The food dish appeared disturbed and less full.  There were also food bits, but we didn't know if they were from earlier in the day when the dog decided to help herself.

So many what ifs... But we filled the dishes back up and placed them back out there, along with the dirty litter box (as advised by the Humane Society).  I am really hoping it will help.

I know that cats aren't everyone's cup of tea, but I'm sad to say I have heard some incredibly hurtful things these last few days, from "friends".  All I have to say to these people is that while you may not understand the bond people have with pets, cats in particular, to someone, they are family.

They sleep in our beds, give us kisses and snuggles and fill our hearts the same way (sometimes more) than our real family does.

If you're out there Mischu, please come home.  Mommy, Daddy, Finley and Greyson miss you and love you very much!